10 Things I Fear

Fear. Defined as "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid." We all have things that bring us fear, and for some, these fears can even be debilitating. 

I wish I could say I had no worries. That I always felt confident about life and that I put all of my trust in God 100% of the time. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't always put my fears to rest.

Today, I wanted to open up and share 10 of my biggest fears (in no particular order). I'd love to hear from you, too, on some of your fears. Maybe we have some in common! 

1. Death of a loved one.
I did experience this recently, and it sucks. Period. I trust that she is healed and celebrating in heaven, but it still stinks for those of us left behind. For some unknown reason, I have always feared losing a loved one in a car accident. I don't know why, or where that fear originated, but it's there. So when I tell someone "be careful" before they drive somewhere, I mean it!

2. Cockroaches.
I know. They can't hurt you (but they do carry gross germs and diseases), but that does not ease my fear. I have been known to run and start crying when I see one. It's totally irrational and childish, but I just can't help it! I shudder just thinking about it...

3. Financial hardship.
I've always been blessed with a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in. We had times of trouble, and I wasn't always able to have things my friends had or to go places my friends went, but I still consider myself blessed compared to many. I am so grateful for our current blessings and incomes, but sometimes I fear something will happen and we'll have to make some tough choices. 

4. Infertility.
Spencer and I are not currently trying to conceive, but I fear that when we do, I will have a hard time. I've had some issues (that I won't go into detail about) that might be cause for concern, but there's truly no way of knowing until the time comes. No sense in worrying about it now, but it does pop into my head on occasion.

5. Disappointing people.
If you've read this blog for any length of time, or if you know me personally, you're aware that I'm a people pleaser. Always have been. As a kid, it only took "the look" to make me cower and cry (Momma, don't try it because it still works!). I like people to like me, to meet peoples' expectations, and to make them happy. I know it's not possible to do all the time, but I dread the times that I let people down.

6. Aging.
I don't particularly fear aging for myself, but more for my family members. I have two living grandparents that I feel so lucky to be able to spend time with. I also am blessed with not two, but four wonderful parents. I try to ignore the fact that they're getting older, because I like to imagine they'll always be around. It's just easier to think that way.

7. Forgetting a work event.
A large part of my job as a marketing coordinator includes events (educational, social, internal, etc.). I sometimes have a last minute fear that I've forgotten an event, or an important detail like ordering food or reminding the building to leave the lights on. Things do (and have) gone wrong, but I still never get over having those fears.

8. Anxiety.
I haven't shared this on the blog, but I currently take medication for anxiety. It started for me this past summer, and I'm so grateful to have a husband that I could be open with. He called to make a doctors appointment for me (because I couldn't do it myself) and I've been on medication since. After a few experiments with dosage, we've settled on a good one for me. I do fear that it will stop working and that my anxiety will come back. On occasion since I started, I'll feel my heart beat increase or another symptom that occurred before my medicine, and I'll start to panic. I'd like to eventually decrease my dosage if possible, not have to increase it!

9. Working alone. 
I've talked (written?) before about being an introvert, but I have found that I do better work, both at home and at work, when I have a partner or a group to work with. I like the opportunity to bounce ideas off of others, and to divide and conquer. It makes me feel more confident in what I'm doing. I do work alone sometimes, but I just feel that I do better with one or two others.

10. Wasting my life.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder what I'm doing with my life. I've never had big dreams to be famous or to go down in history. I just want to live my life in a way that I'll have some sort of a positive impact on other people. I want to bring others to the Lord and to live my life in a way that shows my love for Him. To make people smile, to make them feel important and to let them know they matter. I worry as the days go by that I'm not doing that enough.


Well, those are my fears (as I said, in no particular order). 

What do you fear? Does it hold you back? Have you been able to overcome anything you used to fear?


Until next time - -